Over the last 35 days I have written in detail the measures I have taken to fix my sleep.
35 days of self-discipline later, they have been unsuccessful in all but one aspect. Revealing to me and you that I need freedom to sleep in the mornings to be okay, and that anything but that leads to a horrible, horrible cycle of emotion for me, as is detailed in this blog.
From around day 25 you saw, live, some of the emotional swings I go through when exhausted. I don’t like it. I would ridiculously strongly prefer not to have to go through it. And it’s a direct consequence of my fatigue. More tired = more liable to emotional suffering.
You witnessed me meticulously track my sleep and wake times and plot my alertness, the exercise I picked up and the sacrifices I made (afternoon caffeine) in desperate with for other solutions (napping) and the toll that took.
Please, if I’m showing this to one of the many people with more say over my life and my freedom than I do, let me sleep. So I can be happy, so that I can be healthy, so that I can be 100% of me rather than a dreary, unfamiliar, borderline 10% of who I am, and what I can do.
If you feel sick, this is exactly the source of my outrage. If you could
just sleep as much as you want, in a week or two, the you would be
I conclude that you need to go to some smart psychiatrist, use the blog as
evidence and beg for some good diagnosis (DPSP) and a paper that will free
your from early hours obligation.
I see no better option.
btw: this was the original plan for the blog remember? I want to have
evidence. You have a back up for your claims.
Let’s face it, there isn’t much failure in your effort (beyond the
biological failure), and you complied pretty faithfully with my best ideas
collected over 30 years of studying the brain.
You are NOT GUILTY! Without freedom, you can continue this struggle for
another 3-5 years. The effect on your personality can be tragic.