I forgot to include in yesterday’s post that the ‘selective insanity’ reffered very much to how whenever I wasn’t on call I felt like I was in battle with basically intrusive thoughts, a side effect of deleting telegram thus loneliness. Raj kindly reminded me that I’m prioritising productivity over physiological needs, making me realise and learn again that social interaction is NOT NEGOTIABLE, and that friendship is optimal.
Took 100mg caffeine. Didn’t feel anxious or any of the symptoms of taking too much, just slightly more alert, which is good. I’m realising now that I’ve always felt more alert when talking to people, thus the isolation I’ve caused myself through improper prioritisation has likely contributed greatly to subjective faituge.
I was rather deeply upset during nap-attempt-window thus the attempt was weak.
I spent the entire evening on discord and feel a fair bit better. I do have an uncanny sensation that the entire day has zapped by me and I don’t like it, but it’s worth it for the feeling better. Friendship is optimal.
I am fairky annoyed by the constant darkness I’m in, couldn’t take laptop outside because rain (didn’t go outside at all apart from runs) and indoor lights feel no where near bright enough (I unfortunately smashed my spare daylight coloured bulb :( ), I want my eyes to *burn* with the daylight. I want the sun. I miss it.
I did all the excercise though.